the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
