this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he puts the penis in happiness.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
