hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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