So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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