Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
