just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
