all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
