just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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