guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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