ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
