shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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