I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
