You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
