I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
