i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
