At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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