No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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