Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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