He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
