if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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