Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
