there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
