My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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