I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
