Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
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