If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
