Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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