I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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