on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
