And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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