literally had 100 drinks last night.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
