You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
