My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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