Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
