just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
