woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
