I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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