Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
