do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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