I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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