hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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