Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
