My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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