Cold hands, warm shart.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
