There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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