Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
