$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
