ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
