what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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