and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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