Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
