Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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