no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
