Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
