I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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