Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
