part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
