Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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