my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This is my gift to your gina
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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