Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
