did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
