Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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