dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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