Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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