The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
