i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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