Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
