i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
