Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
