I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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