Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
