you win again, gameday.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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