you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
