I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
