My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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