I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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